Where Should Your Loved One Live After Rehab?
While rehab is an important step in the recovery journey of many who suffer from substance use, the time right after rehab can be equally important.
One of the biggest questions for many families is where their loved one will live after rehab. While some families allow their loved ones to live back with them, others do not feel comfortable with this and instead opt for other options. There is no absolute right or wrong answer to this question. Rather, you should do what is right for you. Try to attend to your feelings. If the idea of having your loved one return home feels horrible, then respect that those are your feelings. If you are ok with the person returning, that too is fine.
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Some Things to Consider When Deciding Whether to Allow Your Loved One to Live Back With You:
The amount of tension and lack of trust in your relationship
How long the struggles with substance use have been going on
Most Importantly: Your loved one’s current status, readiness, and motivation to address their substance use. If they are not ready to address their substance use, then perhaps your loved one should not return to the home.
If You Do Allow Your Loved One to Live With You:
If you decide to let your loved one live with you, think about the parameters that you want in place, and make sure to communicate these expectations clearly to your loved one. These can include things like curfews, paying expenses to live at home including rent, getting a job, expectations for work or job training, transportation provided and ability to use a car, attending some form of treatment, being involved in household chores and keeping one’s room clean, treating you and others with respect, no drug use, etc.
And if your loved one does not live up to her or his end of the bargain, a change could then be made, including the decision to have your loved one leave your home. If your loved one cannot comply with agreed-upon expectations, it suggests that further treatment in a residential program may be needed and living with you is not the right way to proceed.
Alternatives to Having Them Live With You #1: Halfway Houses
In some cases, you may want your loved one to first engage in further residential treatment such as a halfway house based upon the history of his or her substance use. Halfway houses are often funded by government agencies and/or insurance. Many halfway houses are associated with rehab programs and treatment facilities. Halfway houses are less intensive than in-patient rehab but they still offer a structured program to support your loved one’s recovery. Your loved one’s rehab counselor will have a list of area halfway houses and can guide you during this process.
It is highly recommended that you request a family session with your loved one’s counselor either in person or by phone, prior to discharge from their in-patient rehab. Establishing clear boundaries, identifying barriers to recovery, and participating in after-care planning with your loved one and their counselor are integral components of the recovery process.
Alternatives to Having Them Live With You #2: Sober Homes
Sober homes are another option for a loved one who is stepping down from treatment but not yet ready to return home. Sober homes are privately owned, are not treatment facilities, and your loved one is expected to pay rent. Sober homes are more akin to living with roommates in a sober environment. Sober homes offer peer support, a sober environment, and a recovery-oriented structure. Most sober homes require residents to be employed, engaged in their recovery through outpatient treatment and/or self-help meetings, and to sign and follow house rules that promote accountability and ensure commitment to maintaining a sober environment.
The best resource available to find a sober home is https://narronline.org/. Start by checking this list to see if your state has a credentialing organization and look into those homes. There are some great unregistered homes as well because the credentialing process is fairly new. Another recommendation would be to contact your local treatment centers and peer support centers, or attend a self-help group and ask for recommendations. Community input is invaluable in this process. A well-regarded sober home could be a great option for your loved one who could benefit from living with others who are also committed to their recovery.
Taking Care of Yourself
While this is undoubtedly an emotional time for both you and your loved one, the decision of where they live should be made as objectively as possible. It’s easy to feel guilty, especially if you decide to not let them live with you. But try and remind yourself that while their recovery is important, so is your own well being.
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